A Summer’s Tale

 "Summertime and the living ain't easy. I am desperate; I don't know what to do. My Dad's not rich, and my stomach is queasy. I'm feeling so low and Gordon hasn't a clue…"

 
…or something like that. I tell you, it has been roasting over here in the UK the last few weeks. And the weather has been hot as well! But my, oh my, doesn't everyone look like they need a huge lift right now? It seems as though the whole of Britain is down in the dumps. I know money is tight and life is as hard as a sixteen-year-old at Stringfellow’s, but c'mon guys!
 We all know Gordon "I'm getting on with the job" Brown is mainly to blame, but even so. He’ll be gone in time, but there must be something to celebrate now… Football! There we go. The new season is just around the corner and I've already gotten over Euro 2008. Who won it, by the way? I really don't care. It’s all systems go for World Cup 2010. C'mon Fabio! Oh, have you just realised like I have what a great name Fabio is for a boy? I wonder how many newborns will get this moniker should England beat Croatia in a few weeks time?

 Then there is the smog Olympics. Guys trust me on this - the athletics revolve around one girl: Kelly Sotherton. As Viz Magazine would say - Grrrr! Hmmmnnnnn! Hubba Hubba! Phewwwww! This girl is A1 trouser material. And for the ladies, look out for the sprinters, especially the Jamaican lads in the 100 metres who will come first and second - and you third. 

 What else? Oh yes, the ultimate ‘I Love Britain’ event. Now this will take some denying - I love the last night of the Proms. (Yep, I've said it - I'm a tree-hugging left wing poof who wears a cardigan while watching Countdown.) I don't care what you think, the Proms are brilliant and a must watch. Kick out the cat, uncork a far too expensive bottle of red, and turn off the phone. You won't know any of the songs except Jerusalem and Land Of Hope And Glory, but who cares? Fly the flag, sing along drunkenly, and enjoy.

Life’s a Beach

For those of you who live in Tenerife or Lanzarote, how about this one: GO TO THE BEACH! Try it! Really, give it a go. Get a day off. Pack a picnic which includes crusty bread, smelly cheese, tomatoes, Doritos, Pringles, a jar of olives, mayo, Haribo Mix, and as much Marques De Riscal as you can afford. Include a small ball in your beach bag. Pack one more towel than the amount of people going, and have a blast.
Stick your tongue out at the parking meter and pay the price regardless. It will be cheaper than you think. Don't forget to bring a decent sun cream lotion and totally don’t take your phone. Stay until you’re either: drunk, lobster-red, or cold. Believe me; you’ll suddenly remember why you came to live in this amazing place. If you are on holiday, do all the above but without the car.
And here is a great tip. Buy the biggest melon you can find in your local supermarket. Slice it into as many pieces as you can fit into your Tupperware box and stick it in your bag. Spend the whole day surveying the beach. Find the cuties, especially the ones who are being all guarded and territorial. Wait until the sun is at its hottest (that's around 3pm). Now, open the box and move slowly towards your target. "Hi girls, fancy some cold tasty melon?" you venture.
Believe me guys, this is gold! It's not a standard chat up line and they NEVER say no. Then offer them a second piece. Then a third and before you know it, you are deep into the whole "So where are your from?" or "How long are you here for?" or "So, no boyfriends?" type of conversation that you are good for ripping open that year old Jonny in your wallet.
Ladies, a similar scenario works splendidly with beer, some pre-cooked meat-based product, or just walking over with your jugs hanging out and sporting a smile like Max Mosley in ‘Whips R Us’.
You see, summer isn't looking quite so bad now is it?

Let it be

The big point to reconnect with is this: Even when life seems hard and impossible, there are billions worse off than you. Okay, it's not quite the Lennon and McCartney classic "When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me," but it's a damn sight better than "I'm serious as cancer when I say rhythm is a dancer."
This summer, embrace what the season is telling us - enjoy life. Be thankful that you have the ability to appreciate what is around you. Sure there are dark days and worry is always just a heartbeat away (sorry, frustrated songwriter mode), but now more than ever (frustrated newswriter mode), it's true.
Spare a quick thought for those in Sudan, Ethiopia, Zimbabwe, Iraq, East Timor, and scores of other countries who don't have the freedom and liberties you can enjoy this summer.
Yes, life is hard, but you’re still here, so enjoy it as best you can. It’ll get easier anyway because David Cameron will see to it or, globally, Barak Obama. But that's a worry for another day.

"Summertime and the outlook’s not breezy. I am breathing and I’ve plenty to do. Life is mine and my options are easy.  I'm free and I’m easy and my friend, so are you."